Our motives guide our interactions. The love motive manifests through the relational lenses into behavior the Bible calls walking in love. 1 John 3, 18 “Little children, let’s not love with words or speech, but with action and truth.”
The Holy Spirit led the apostle Paul to describe the moral parameters of the love motive in his first letter to the Corinthians.
Love motive is characterized by the following:
1- Love protects:
The love motive guide to protecting the beloved, 1 Corinthians 13:7. It admonishes to do no harm; Romans “13:10 love does no harm to a neighbor…’.
Through the distinctness lens, we do no harm by respecting others’ separateness. If we were to protect or honor others, we would cross only the necessary boundaries to avoid scattering their privacy.
Through the distinctness lens, we do no harm to others by declining to own their responsibilities. We refrain from reading their mind and speaking for them. We don’t envy them for their successes,1 Corinthians 13: 4. We exhort them to bear the results of their choices. It is their path to grow in ownership and freedom.
Doing no harm through the authenticity lens means we don’t paint others as evil if we experience their defects. We extend grace to them before telling them our truthful feedback.
We omit the use of words of belittlement, sarcasm, or insults. Ephesian 4:29. “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what helps build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
2- Love honors:
Love prompts us to honor others, 1 Corinthians 13:5. We honor others through the levelness lens by treasuring their precious value. It is an inherent value unrelated to their achievements or titles. We affirm their value with words or deeds that convey honor, gratitude, and celebration. When appropriate, we affirm others with gentle physical gestures like shaking hands or patting shoulders. We want to be mindful of building trust with others before physically touching them.
Honoring others through the levelness lens means honoring their equality. We put away relating from above and boasting. 1 Corinthians 13:4.
When conversing with them, we sit at their level, making eye contact and addressing them by name. It is vital to own emotions before responding to others. Love is not easily angered 1 Corinthians 13:5. We do not bottle negative emotions, lest they spill through our nonverbal expressions and devalue others. We zero our emotional counter so we won’t be angered easily.
Honoring others may take the form of giving. We may give services to help others with their needs. Even better, we can give them gifts to celebrate them as individuals regardless of the occasion.
3: Love speaks the truth.
Love rejoices with the truth, 1 Corinthians 13:6. The love motive induces us to be truthful with our words and, even more importantly, our emotions. We want our verbal expressions to inform the beloved what we genuinely feel.
Emotional honesty means relinquishing false cheerfulness. We need to admit our past relational losses and embrace the resulting sadness. In grief, we let go of some perceptions and make room for new ones. We can genuinely laugh in joy only after we have wept in sadness. Ecclesiastes 7:3 sorrow is better than laughter, for by the sadness of the countenance. The heart is made better and gains gladness.” Love rejoices with the joyful and grieves with the sad.
Speaking the truth through the distinctness lens, we say a clear no to false responsibility. We must have given up attempts to buy love by sacrificing good deeds. Jesus says in Matthew 9:13, “ I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”
Speaking the truth through the authenticity lens, we speak words that grace others as a whole rather than criticize their shortcomings. We need to have received grace before we can dispense it to others. 2 Corinthians 1:4.
Speaking the truth through the levelness lens means we bring our truthfulness to the beloved, so we can combine it with theirs to construct the complete relational truth. “Love in kind” 1 Corinthians 13:4, therefore we drape our honesty with kindness before speaking. Love aims for truthfulness to illuminate others, not tarnish them.
Speaking the truth means we respond with words of thankfulness when we are honored and don’t attempt to pay back.
Our gratitude frees us to honor givers and others at a time of our choice. Paul told Colossians 2:7 to be rooted in Jesus, and they will overflow with thankfulness. “Rooted and built up in Him strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.”
4: Love cancels the debt.
The love motive directs us to forgive. We continue treasuring offenders and absorbing the personal impact of their offenses. We free offenders ( and ourselves in the process) from emotional debts. 1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”. We go a step further and reconcile with others and build new trust. 1 Corinthians 13:7. ‘ Love always trusts.”
When our motive for giving is love, we don’t begrudgingly like the host in Proverbs 23:6. “ Eat and drink he says to you, but his heart is not with you.”
Love gives freely and that helps us grow in trusting God. We need to balance generous giving against safeguarding our identity. The result is that we prosper. Proverbs 11:24 NIV “One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.” Jesus commended the widow for her faith and free giving despite her poverty. Mark 12:44.
5- Love hopes:
Love and hope are relational experiences. Love hopes, 1 Corinthians 13;7. It inspires hope in the beloved. Inspiring hope in the beloved through the distinctness lens means we respect the realities of time and place. We work with the beloved on what is doable now and here. We refuse magical solutions that circumvent reality. They make the heart sick; Proverbs 13:12.
