Experiencing separateness from our care giver and affirming boundaries help us distinguish what is “I” and what is everything else. We use the word “no” to identify our boundaries. When our parents respond to our NO with anger, shame, or withdrawal, we stop using my NO to clarifying our boundaries and begin the twisted journey of compliance.
Recognizing self is just the beginning of shaping our distinct identity and forging of the distinctiveness lens. Learning personal responsibility is only possible through experiencing the consequences of our. Parents should deliberately work to transfer responsibility to the young teens to help them built their identity. Judgment and condemnation for mistakes can cause the team to withdraw from taking on your responsibilities. Parental love relationship should balance, transferring responsibility with safeguarding the teen consequences or too harmful. Teenagers will have to learn the responsibility for the tangible things like health and hygiene before they can internalize responsibility for the intangible things like emotions and responsibility.
Growing and responsibility yields growing in freedom. We learn that we need to be responsible for what we do freely. Conversely, we are only free to do the responsible thing or not free to do. Everything comes to mind.
Building an identity is crowned with relating through the distinctness lens .We recognize through the distinctness lens our personal share of the responsibility pie. For example, as we seek and pursue and new opportunities, we understand that we are responsible for our portion. God and others will own theirs too.
The shame of being defective, and the fear of displeasing others, fuels conforming and/or fusing with others. Those who are ”people-pleasers” risk changing unintentionally into another person; because they follow others will, and not their own.
Forming an identity is a journey, and is not complete without the spiritual aspect. No longer wait for God to do for us what we should be doing ourselves. We need to establish our identity based on our spiritual position with God and his precious covenants. They help shape us through the renewing the mind, and affirming our beloved state.
