Our relational lens RL toward others dictates how we perceive them and feel about them. This is especially true when we listen to speakers, for the relational lens we use to approach them influences our listening to them.
If we relate to speakers through the devaluation lens,. We do not afford them our attention or empathy. We don’t notice their non-verbal expressions مlike their vocal inflections and facial expressions. We do not perceive our separateness and react to their emotional reactions. We get infected with their emotions. Getting angry with their anger and sad with their sadness.
When we relate with speakers through the authenticity lens, we reconcile their verbal and nonverbal expressions. We don’t selectively receive the speakers’ nonverbal expressions and miss the meaning of their words. We receive their message despite the distracting details. Integration cancels selective hearing!
If we relate to speakers through the splitting lens, we will likely be impacted by their expressions in ways different from what they had intended. Solomon says in Proverbs 27:14, “ if anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” the blessing intended was experienced by the neighbor due to the loud voice in the early morning
In relating through the levelness lens, we perceive speakers as worthy and equal. We comprehend how they, like us, deserve to be listened to and understood. Yet, they are unique in how they express and meet those needs.
We allow them to share their beliefs without perceiving them as a threat. We enable their attempts to persuade us and may even adopt some of their loving, responsible views.In John 4:1-29: the disciples were surprised to find Jesus talking with a Samaritan woman. But Jesus spoke, listened, and leveled with her, and as a result, she was adopted into the kingdom and testified to her town.
